ON MY MIND

i know, i know. you haven't heard from me in a while. there's a good reason. SANDRA BULLOCK ! i've taken to my bed since the news.

now in the past, i've blasted sandy for not being a great actress and not deserving of the oscar.. i now believe she should get a nobel peace prize.

poor sandy has been faced with such public humiliation by that piece of garbage jesse james that she deserves a purple heart.

i don't have to go into details about jesses cheating, you all know everything i do but i seem to have an inappropriate emotional reaction.

i have never been cheated on and don't know anyone who has but i'm furious with sandy for marrying this piece of garbage.. from his past, she should have known better.. lucky for her, she married jesse after her mother died cause her mother would have dropped dead seeing sandys choice of a mate.

theres nothing much to say except sandy has a long road of healing and i wish her well.

and now another situation . ricky martin has come out and declared he's gay ! what a shock ! that must be the worst kept secret in the music industry and every other industry for that matter.. good luck ricky.. nobody really cares if your gay or not.. you're a good father to those boys and thats all that counts.

some of you worry about the economy, the war, the problems in the middle east so i know you're all covering that..

i on the other hand let you all worry about the world, while i worry about sandra bullock and ricky martin... and thats only today.. you should only know what i worry about on a daily basis!!!

be back soon

BLIND SIDED

the luther vandross memory made me remember something else.

years ago there was an airline called mgm grand air. it was a luxury plane that had only 31 seats in a huge plane.. there was a chef on board who made you whatever you wanted . many flight attendants to meet your every need.. the seats on board were all lush leather reclining chairs.

i heard that mostly celebrities fly on this airline and in those days one got dressed up to fly. these were the days before i knew any celebrities so it was thrilling to me.

i was so excited at the prospect of flying on this airline that i ran out and bought myself a 3 piece fancy schmancy outfit. i remember it cost me $500.00. for those days it was a small fortune. i bought myself earrings to match my outfit, new shoes, of course a new purse and the day before i flew, i had a manicure, pedicure and had my hair done.

the morning i was to leave, i carefully put my makeup on and blended it so it looked natural. i did the eyes and blended, i did the base and blended.. i did the blush and blended.. i was always good at applying makeup but that day i wanted to look like i was a celebrity myself so i was ultra careful about everything i did.

i arrived at jfk and mgm grand air, had its own terminal and lounge area. i walked in looked around and didn't see anyone famous but i figured, the famous ones board last. thats the general rule.

i was so excited and yet wanted to appear calm and casual about the whole experience. over the p.a. system it was announced we were about to board the plane. i wanted to be on first since there were no assigned seats and i wanted a seat in the front so i could see all the famous people boarding..the excitment inside of me was overwhelming.. i can remember my heart racing.

i took my seat in the front and waited for the string of celebrities to board.. i checked my makeup carefully.. my outfit looked stunning, my earrings gorgeous and i was just so ready for this experience.

people began boarding and i didn't recognize anyone. finally, the last person to board was JOSE FELICIANO ! the blind singer !!

i started to laugh to myself and thought, what a pretentious ass i am.. dressing up for none other than jose feliciano..

the plane took off and everyone was walking around and i went over to jose and his lovely wife linda and introduce myself. i proceeded to tell them my story.. jose lovingly said.. it didn't go to waste my friend, you look gorgeous.

i've loved him since.

LUTHER VANDROSS

one memory triggers another memory.. after writing my last blog i remembered a story that in hindsight is delicious.

i was on a plane from new york to los angeles. as i mentioned before, the first class cabin was always abuzz with people making deals and exchanging business cards.. most of these flights had famous celebrities. i've sat next to al pacino and froze during the flight. he scared me.. he's a very small man and i suppose i confused him with the characters he played. as i was sitting frozen, i was trying to glance at the script he was reading.. the title on each page was SCENT OF A WOMAN.

i just digressed..

on another flight, i got on the plane and the last person to enter was luther vandross..under normal circumstances, i wouldn't have gotten excited but i did.. the reason was, a dear friend of mine was so crazy about luther that she named all her cats luther.. there was luther 1.. luther 2. luther 3 and so forth.

my friend is an english woman who came to this country as a nanny and stayed in america. she is a real limey. her home was leeds, england and her accent was and is very cockney which she'll still deny.

her name is T.. yes just T.. it stands for tart! T is a beautiful blonde white woman who prefers black men. always has, always will. so to her luther vandross was god like. a black man with a gorgeous voice.

back to the plane.. luther got up to use the rest room and i decided to stand up so when he left the bathroom, i could tell him about T and her adoration for him. something i've learned, you just don't do. but i was new at this.

i told luther about T and just yapped away.. those days, each seat had a phone and i asked luther if he'd call T which he did.. he was a very gentle, kind, sweet man . i got T on the phone and said, hang on luther vandross wants to talk to you. she went crazy but was able to be coherant enough to have a conversation with him. luther suggested that T meet us at baggage claim when we arrived in los angeles and he'd give her an autograph and take pictures with her.. how lovely was that?

well, we landed and sure enough T was there and i introduced her to Luther. like i really knew him.. i am sure at certain times in my life, i should be locked up.

they took the pictures and luther gave her his autograph. he then asked her how she'd like to come to the Ebony awards where he was performing. the Ebony awards honor black entertainers. a perfect match for T.. luther asked for her phone number and said his assistant would be calling her to make arrangements.. sure enough, his assistant called and told T that a car would be sent to her and she could bring someone with her. she went with her friend Guy who happened to be a guy.. they were seated between mohammed ali and michael jackson. the girl almost died.. luther acknowled her from the stage and she was gaga over that.

after the show, they went to denzel washingtons restaurant, Georgia. she probaby was the only white woman there but T never noticed. when dinner was finished the car took them back to her house and as T says, a dream was realized.

its a memory she will have forever and i completely forgot about it until she reminded me of it yesterday.

it was almost like Make a Wish for the healthy.

i remember when luther had a serious stroke, i sent him a get well letter and told him how i wished he could have a night like my friend did. i wished him a speedy and full recovery. i never heard back. he died.

i'm sure people remember him for his beautiful voice. i remember him as a big teddy bear with a huge heart.

be back soon

I COULD'VE BEEN A CONTENDER

well, oscars are over and everyone looked gorgeous,there were no surprises.

sondra bullock won the oscar as predicted... when she was being introduced, Forest Whitiker did a homage to her and mentioned he directed her in the movie HOPE FLOATS.it brought back a memory that i had completely forgotten about.

in 1997 i was on a flight from new york to los angeles. in those years, first class was large and everyone was very friendly.. most of those on the flight were in show biz and i was then on the periphery.. very periphery of show biz. i was a faux celebrity.

my basic nature is to talk to anyone and everyone. i began a conversation with a lovely woman who i later found out was a high powered producer named linda obst. we chatted the entire flight and when we were leaving, we exchanged phone numbers and vowed to speak to each other again. i did a lot of exchanging of numbers in those days and never saw or heard from anyone.. thats very show biz !

a few months after my meeting with linda obst, i got a phone call from her office. they said linda wanted me to appear in her movie, Hope Floats... starring, of course, sondra bullock.. i went to the meeting and they asked me to read for the part. i said, i'm not an actress, why am i going to read? but i did . everyone was fawning over me and i was laughing. all the sudden, i'm going to be in a movie.

i took none of this seriously. weeks after my so called audition, i got a call from linda obst and she said, you got the part and we begin filming in austin, texas on may 1st. i paused for a long time and said, linda i have reservations at canyon ranch for the dates you want me and i really want to go. she kept trying to convince me that this was a chance of a lifetime and i kept thinking, this has got to be a big joke.

well, i made the decision to go to canyon ranch, where i was not yet working at but i loved the place.

my movie career went down the toilet with that decision and the part was done by kathy najimi who did a much better job than i could have ever done.

last night after forest whitiker mentioned Hope Floats, i realized that sondra bullock was about to get my oscar !

i figured from a small part in Hope Floats for me, i could have gone on to bigger and better roles and given meryl streep a run for her money.. if you're not laughing, its ok, i am.!

be back soon

ANGEL ON EARTH

in my other life i owned a casting agency that found real people for t.v. commercials and i interviewed those people.

in hindsight it was wonderful. i met some wonderful people. i worked on a free lance basis. i was like a hooker. i'd go from job to job.. i'd go to an ad agency.. do my work and then hopefully would be hired again for their next real people project. it wasn't the kind of work that allowed one to bond with anyone.

there's always exceptions to every rule and the exception came one day when i was hired to cast a commercial for wells, rich, green advertising agency. the product was alka seltzer plus cold medicine and the commerical was shot as i recall in chappaqua new york.

i got to the location and saw this beautiful creature who was my client. i sat next to her while we filmed and we began talking.. she was not only beautiful but smart and funny. a rare combination for certain. we laughed together with a certain familiarity that one only gets when they know someone a long time. she was truly a shiksa goddess.

i recall people fawning over her ,which although lovely, didn't seem the norm for someone who was an account executive at an ad agency. but i really didn't give it much thought.

as it turned out, her mother in law owned the advertising agency and was a very famous, accomplished woman in that industry.. she had homes in nyc, france and the island of mustique. her husband had owned an airline as i recall and i suspect it was the first time in my life i'd been exposed to that kind of wealth. everyone was up pamelas ass because of her mother in law.

none of this mattered to me cause i was just crazy about her. she was to become a huge player in my life and a dear, kind friend.

we kept in touch after the job was completed. we met for lunch on occasion and talked often on the phone. i was there for the birth of her son. went to her apt in nyc often and eventually when she moved to westchester went to her home.

i, at that time, was broke. i was just out of a horrific marriage . life was very difficult but the worse was yet to come.

sept 4, 1990 my son was killed in a car crash. i don't remember much of the days that followed but i do remember pamela being there. i recall thinking to myself, she sticks out like a sore thumb amongst all these jews.

after i sat shiva, i went home and went thru my bills. there was no way i could pay my bills. i got an amex charge of $1,500.00 which at that time seemed like $15,000,000.00. as i was going through my bills, my phone rang and it was pamela.. i began crying, maybe sobbing. i told her about my financial woes and that i also couldn't remember how to write a check.. after you've suffered such a shock like your child dying.... everything is confusing.

pamela asked if she could pay my amex bill.. i fought her about that but she did it anyway. i recall saying to her, i can't pay you back now.. she said, you're never to pay me back but one day when you're on your feet again and someone needs money, you'll help. it was paying it forward before anyone used that expression.

three months after my son died, pamela called me and said jim, her then husband, who also worked at the advertising agency, had a job for me. i said, pamela, i can't do it. i felt incapable of working. she said, you're doing the job, call jim.. i called him as instructed, since i was a robot then anyway. jim told me what the job entailed and that he needed a budget from me.. i called pamela crying and said, i can't do the job, i can't do a budget, i don't want to do it, i can't. she said, heres the budget.. just write it down.. get a group together to help you do the job and just do it !

i did the job and really don't recall much of it but it was my re-entry into the real world.

i remained close to pamela but life changed for me and changed for her. i moved to tucson.. she got a divorce and its all a blur to me now. we lost contact with one another but she was never far from my thoughts.

about three months ago, i thought about her and tried to find her to no avail.. yesterday i went on the computer and in seconds, found her and her phone number. i immediately called and left a message.

last night at 10:30 my phone rang.. i never answer the phone at that hour unless its my daughter.. but i saw caller id and it was pamela.. i grabbed that phone faster than i've ever done anything...

we stayed on the phone for quite a while trying to catch up. that will take much more time.. so much has happened in the years we haven't spoken to one another.

she was an angel in my life and didn't know it.. she just did what she did and gave it no thought.

when i go to new york, you better believe i'm going to see her. she's always been in my heart and she helped bring me back to life.

P.s. years after pamela gave me $1,500 and i was financially solvent, i got a phone call from someone i hadn't heard from in years. she asked if i had money to lend her or else she was going to lose her home.. i figured if shes calling me, she must have called 10 people at least who turned her down. i asked how much she needed, she said $1,500.00!

i paid it foward .

be back soon