LOST AND FOUND

last night i got a phone call from my ex-husbands nephew who i haven't seen or heard from in 19 years.. i found his sister on facebook and sent her a message but she never answered, he did.

seems his sister is angry with me cause when her father died i didn't send a card..the fact that i had no idea where they lived didn't matter to her. that was typical of that family.

this nephew is now 44 years old, married with a 19 month old baby.. he reminded me of a labrador.. so sweet and gentle and kind.

he, his sister and my son jordan were very close cousins. after jordan died, as is expected, people fall out of your life for various reasons and this is what happened here.

peter is his name and he seemed to have held onto every good and bad memory of my son. my daughter and i discuss my son with ease but we don't have the same memories peter had. they shared a childhood in that cousin kind of way and were very close.

we talked for three hours, sharing our memories not only of my son but of that entire dysfunctional family.

he talked about the love and adoration he had for his grandfather, a man i had nothing but distain for.. but for once, i kept my mouth shut.. everyones reality is different. i chose to let him have his good memories. we both agreed the rest of the family were some of the most disgusting people both of us ever knew.. it validated everything i ever felt. not that i needed that validation.

we talked about his father, a man that was one of the angriest people i ever met. but that was my reality.. he agreed that his father was tough but he said he was very kind to others. i kept my mouth shut again.

peter is desperate for a connection to family and although i'm not a blood relative, he said, you're still my aunt.. i felt like his aunt last night.

i have very peculiar ideas about family. usually only my own blood relatives do i have deep feelings for and everyone who knows me, knows that.. there is one exception and thats a child i helped raise, my daughters friend stacy. shes my family and theres no doubt about that in my heart.

last night was very wistful for me.. peter and i made a promise to keep in touch with one another. for me he holds the delicious memories of my son and theres nothing better than that.

i usually go for a joke by this time but my funny is on hold right now.

be back soon